It's 7pm and I'm currently sitting in bed, watching soup run off the end of my spoon, drop after drop of warm red liquid splashing back into the bottom of the bowl. This is what my mother would categorize as "playing with your food" although not quite as creative as building sandcastles out of mashed potatoes, complete with garlic bread fort and mini broccoli soldiers.
I recently had a tooth yanked out of my head. Yes, an entire fucking tooth. Gone.
On the bright side the nice doctors (who spent plenty of time laughing at my feeble attempts to slur inaudible curses at them with my completely numb tongue and puffy chipmunk cheeks) wrote me a nice little prescription for a strange new friend called Vicodin. Now, kids, I'm not saying Vicodin should be used for anything other than true pain related conditions and it should ONLY be used as prescribed by a real licensed doctor. But I AM saying if you're lucky enough to be prescribed such a magical pill when you would otherwise be writhing in pain, thank the Lord in Heaven because DAMN do these suckers do their job!
I've spent the better part of the last two days tucked in bed, watching movies and consuming non-solid foods while simultaneously fantasizing about potato chips and crunchy tacos. But it's been (for the most part) pain free, and I'm grateful for that. Today I actually mustered up the courage to walk to the shower and rinse out some of the small creatures that have no doubt been nesting in that tangled mess I call my hair. I still haven't found the will to change out of these comfy pink pajama pants, though this has less to do with pain and more to do with my inherent laziness. As this is my last night of allowed pity, I plan on sleeping for a good 12 hours. It seems only fair to double up on my normal sleep intake after endearing such a traumatizing procedure, no?
What?
You don't think what I went through was trauma inducing?
Well fuck you! You don't know me!
Okay, maybe I'm milking this whole thing a little too much. Just let me have this final 12 hours then I promise I'll go back to being a normal human being...well at least as close to normal as I get.
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