It's never easy to admit that you're wrong, or that you've failed at something. No one likes to hear "I told you so" (although everyone loves to say it.). When I fall flat on my face or hit that all-too-familiar brick wall, I quickly turn around, make sure no one's looking, and brush my paw prints out of the snow. I pretend like nothing ever happened and hope that Cruella isn't on to me. Lately I've fallen down a lot. Although ask me tomorrow and I'll be in denial all over again. But things are still good. Great even. I got a promotion (which I'm pretty sure means I can punch people in the face and actually get rewarded for my services. I haven't tried it out yet.), my financial situation is slowly but surely improving (I'm considering buying stock in "NEW" new coke. It's bound to catch on the second time around, right?), my friends are bountiful (especially the imaginary ones!) and my love life is Matt-filled, and let's face it, I can never get enough of that kid (I would clone him and cheat on him with all of his clones if people didn't consider that creepy and a huge waste of government funded scientific research. But what do they know? These are the same people who let Woody Allen get away with dating his adopted daughter.) "So if things are so wonderful, AJ, why did you just blog about how bad things are?"...is what you would ask if you cared even a little bit...
But don't worry! You don't have to ask or even care, because I'm going to tell you anyway!
I'm at a point in my life where I've finally realized how dumb I am. Like, "early 20's but still thinks she can get away with acting like she's 15" dumb. And it's a shitty conclusion to come to. No one wants to admit that they don't rival the love-child of Ghandi and Einstein in the worldly all-knowing department. How many times did your mom say to you "You'll understand when you're older." and you replied with "No, I understand now! YOU don't understand."? Anyone? Anyone? Well I think I'm done saying that. The fact is I don't understand. Most things, actually. I'm learning and growing everyday but just when I think I get it all and have it all figured out something new and unexpected shocks the hell out of me.
I don't know where I'll be 10 years from now. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I change my mind every other day. I think for once I'm going to stop trying to plan it all out step by step because it fucking hurts my face every time I fall. And it's such a pretty face, I need to be careful.
From now on I'm going to tread carefully and make changes that I see fit. But who knows, 3 months from now I might be on a boat in Cannes snorting coke off Lindsay Lohan's backside.
But one can hope life has better prospects.
